Dreaming...

Are we lost in the context of what we want to be real? Trying to read the lines or make meanings out of pain. I will wake up one day, this old soul has a lesson to learn.

Light This Candle

I light this candle, using it to be a beacon for your soul, to find me and comfort my heart. You can lift my head and make me see what was given to the world. All those who feel left behind, take their hands, and guide them in their paths to safety. Thank you for knowing me, and letting me know you, you will never leave our hearts.

to my departed friend, johannes.

the hardest revolation

Ive been thinking, and realized, that im one who needs quality friends, and not quantity. i have a friend to thank for that, and that is probley why i do am not able to find a good woman. yes, women are attracted to independant guys, who seem bad ass and such, but once that wears away, theres only a guy under the surface whos looking for someone to be there constantly. if a girl who really wants me, better come to me as a friend, and then work the way up, make sure im the one they want, even with my friends, i am always with them because i am a social creature with my quality friends. rushing into things, just ruins the quality of life, and it makes it crappy. from here, i cant think of anything else to say, so ill just end it. later yoz.

things

howdy. things are quite odd, and im also missing a lot of events going on in my world. things going on at home, here, there, where ever. people getting together, people breaking up, people having children, and people growing up. sometimes, i feel lost, just still a child crawling through life, finding out what my purpose is, but, what if i have none, what if im just playing it off to keep myself from diving and becoming a wreck? do all things have a purpose?
well, we'll see how things roll out, if i go insane, or do somethign amazing. hope to post again, later ya'll.

Meditation continuation...

my mediations, have been scarce as of late cause of my hectic work schedule, and just the level of energy i can devote to doing it. every once in a while i also try to look for a spirit guide, like what the native americans used, not an angel or whatever, just a spirit to be tehre to ask the questions or to listen. so far, its either a babbling spanish woman in flannel shirt and blue jeans, or it was just a random thought. but im still searching. call me a mystic or whatever, but its just something im working on.


as an idea that just came up, im also going to post libra information, so if you have a question on who i am, or waht i am like, you can refer to that. so, ill get at ya'll later.

death letters

is it wrong to write a death letter? in preperation of me leaving to get deployed, ive been working on death letters to people i love and care about, knowing my luck though, ill never have to deliver them, cause if i say it, or think it, it wont happen, so hopefully that luck/unluck carries over. as a matter of opsec, i cant divulge any departure dates or locations, but if you follow the war and stuff, you'll have a good idea. well, im off to bed, just had to post this idea before i forget. thanks to all who read this, and if anything happens, and you dont get a letter, i love you too.

Meditation Day 1, 20080820

Today was the first day i meditated, according to some rule. it was very difficult keeping the random thoughts out of my head. what i did was concentrate on the movement of the air i was breathing through my nostrils to my lungs and back out again. i also combined a little bit of what i used to when i did meditation before, i had a black blanket or black sky. i would use that to wipe off the thoughts and focus back on the breathing. time flew by like it was nothing. 15 minutes turned into 20minutes in a flash. a few times i was disturbed by a sound of popping wood in the furniture, or a door being locke/unlocked/opened in the hallway, but i am currently living in the barracks. finding time and places to meditate will be difficult, and also i must keep practicing.

in case if you're wondering where i got my meditation tips and rules from, it is: http://www.how-to-meditate.org

Notes on Breathing Meditation:
1.) Stop all distractions
2.) Find a quiet place
3.) sit with your back straight ##this is to prevent a "slack" mind
a.) your legs do not have to be crossed, just be relaxed with a straight back
4.) Partially close your eyes and focus on the end of your nose
5.) Focus on your natural breathing. follow it in your body through your nostrils.
a.) through the nostrils is a peaceful state of breathing, thus what we want. mouth breathing is an active breathing, we want to be peaceful.

At first, you may notice that you seem to be more distracted, and your mind becomes more clouded, but that is just because you are slowing down to realize how busy your mind is. remain focused and if you stray, or a thought comes in your mind, go back to your breathing as soon as possible. it takes time to practice.

these are all just my notes from the website. im not intending to plagiarize, if i am, tell me and i will correct myself. ill be posting more about this when i meditate. my experiences, and also what i have accomplished. take it easy ya'll.