Meditation Day 1, 20080820

Today was the first day i meditated, according to some rule. it was very difficult keeping the random thoughts out of my head. what i did was concentrate on the movement of the air i was breathing through my nostrils to my lungs and back out again. i also combined a little bit of what i used to when i did meditation before, i had a black blanket or black sky. i would use that to wipe off the thoughts and focus back on the breathing. time flew by like it was nothing. 15 minutes turned into 20minutes in a flash. a few times i was disturbed by a sound of popping wood in the furniture, or a door being locke/unlocked/opened in the hallway, but i am currently living in the barracks. finding time and places to meditate will be difficult, and also i must keep practicing.

in case if you're wondering where i got my meditation tips and rules from, it is: http://www.how-to-meditate.org

Notes on Breathing Meditation:
1.) Stop all distractions
2.) Find a quiet place
3.) sit with your back straight ##this is to prevent a "slack" mind
a.) your legs do not have to be crossed, just be relaxed with a straight back
4.) Partially close your eyes and focus on the end of your nose
5.) Focus on your natural breathing. follow it in your body through your nostrils.
a.) through the nostrils is a peaceful state of breathing, thus what we want. mouth breathing is an active breathing, we want to be peaceful.

At first, you may notice that you seem to be more distracted, and your mind becomes more clouded, but that is just because you are slowing down to realize how busy your mind is. remain focused and if you stray, or a thought comes in your mind, go back to your breathing as soon as possible. it takes time to practice.

these are all just my notes from the website. im not intending to plagiarize, if i am, tell me and i will correct myself. ill be posting more about this when i meditate. my experiences, and also what i have accomplished. take it easy ya'll.

"Shit to remember" - haha. (pun)

(8:13:54 PM) Jordan, Ashton: if you think of something and you don't complete the though, you are just thinking about all types of stuff. If you don't complete your thoughts, you will forget things

(8:14:13 PM) Jordan, Ashton: Which I know you program and wnat to do alot, so I'm assuming you think about alot of different things all at once which makes you forget

Attached

is there a point when you become too attached? not sure, how could it happen so fast? does it drive them mad, or away? i dont know, i just hate being me.

Is it possible...?

ok, is this possible or am i just going crazy...


Heres what we got, a government(haha, not crazy yet) that actually cares(crazy, yeah i know) and works hard for its people. but what it does is make money non-existant for the people so they do not have to know what money is or worry about money. it would take some cooperation on both the government and the citizens of the country to make it work.

does this just sound like communism or am i going somewhere?

get off me

i fucking give up on the whole army thing. i cant function like this. shit comes up, and they want me to do it, then they schedule me for shit i need to do, then i dont get the other stuff done, then i get yelled at for that bull shit. then, i dont get half the information i need to get my shit done at work, and i get yelled at. ill admit, yes, i should have taken notes at the damn class, but if he would have just taken time, i would have remembered it and i would have learned something. fuck, im still learning, just be fucking paitent with my fucking ass. plus, im tring to not think about home, and then they ask me, have you called your parents, then that just makes me think im a horrible son, bad friend, and then i start thinking about her, and then makes me all fucking depressed and shit. god damn, yep, you can think, wow, hes suicidal, fuck off, i do what i need to do. how do you cope, probley nothing worth my time listening to because i find it either gay or retarded. get off my balls, i just want some peace and quiet, i want some zen, i want nothing more than for a successful day where nothing can go wrong. those are gone, and i cant do shit about it. man, if you feel me, just throw on your record and vibe, post up on the floor and look at what i see, if you can feel it falling around you, then welcome to what i live.

fuck off.

leaps of faith

man, all ya got to do is just have some blind faith. sometimes things always dont seem to be seen, but not all of our physical eyes need to be used. the heart sees so much more than what we comprehend. have a little faith and it will come through, with me atleast.

if only she knew or believed me

man, if only i could tell her. i know she is not built for us, but to me, she is perfect in every way. if she were to leave and i were to never hear from, i would die. the main reason i continue on is because i know she is behind me. choices we have made have kept us apart, and for reasons which i cannot explain, she has kept her distance, but i want you to hear this, i love you.

TURDHEAD,

DUCES

dont pick up

heres a question i thought of in the last attempt to call a friend of mine that hasnt picked up for a bit...

why, when we make phone calls and they dont pick up, sit and wait for the voice message to finish talking before hanging up?

is it because we want to hear the voice of the person we're tring to get ahold of? is it that we want the call to feel like it was worth something? or are we hoping that they will pick up in the middle of the voice message?

well thats all for now. duces, yo.

Modern civil war

Think about this...

is any war concerning a government in a country not involving any people form the outside of the nation any different than our revolution? The only difference is, its more modernized, and we can see it for all its glory. Back in our war, did we not shoot each other, did we not fight off a tyranny to our interests? We even stole land from the natives and french, and what, we now police the f'in world? And we cry for those who have to bury their own dead, who buried the dead of those back when we fought? Were they even buried or left to rot? Just because we have “evolved” and became more “civilized” doesnt mean that people who see a change and think it will work, just like we did, will have to fight to get it. Only once it steps into threatening other countries should someone step in.

there is hope in the youth of today in those countries, but they must be seperated from those who wish to be violent, that is the only way to keep them clean of the taint of war. Education, friendship and love will make it only better, but those who have grown and tasted the fuel of war cannot change and must die out.

But this is only my view. I can change and it may be view upon later as dumb, but right now, I see it that way.

thoughts and stuff

i dont know why, but recently i have been super intersested in stuff like the knights templar, teutonics, and that stuff. its gotta be like the secrecy and crap and all the rumors about them. its pretty sweet. it might also have to do with the fact taht i just got done beating Assassin's Creed, and it was SO FUCKING COOL! and im also writing my own assassin story that i started some time back last year, so no relation to that, plus its a completely different world than this one that im writing about. but the thrill of doing that stuff, being able to wield a sword, throwing knives, hidden blades, invisible to the normal person, the ability to blend in anywhere, just simply mind captivating. i guess im becoming more of a looser now, because i keep thinking about taht kind of stuff, programming, and girls. well, i guess girls keep me from being super nerdy but i just love that crap. im gonna work on writing a modern assassin story if anyone is interested in reading that. ill post the links once im done writing the first story and ill start the second one. thanks for reading ya'll that somehow find this crap. later.

Do you?

do you actually care? this doesnt pertain to the people i know, that im super tight with. but like, if i didnt message, any of you, would you message back?even attampt to initate a conversation with me? on the phone, through here, IM'ing, w/e, would you try, or just forget? im tired, i cant sleep, and my friend, roomy, homeboy here we were talking about that, does anyone give a shit? is it just because we're not around to be there all th time? some friend if you cant remember your "friends when they cant be there. if its work to call us, just tell us the truth and we'll understand, we're not stupid, we're not monsters, we just miss being home and all our normal friends the same. maybe some of you should spend a whole year and a half away from waht matters the most to you..

to those who do remember and make the effort, it is greatly apperciated. we love you for that, and you are whats getting us through this crap, if we cant count on the other people while were just here, what about when we got to the desert, what then? just forget about us till we get on the news for getting bombed, some shit to happen there. well i need to sleep. i got my shit off my chest. but those people i love, just message me or call me or soemthing. love ya'll later.

peace.

quotes_02

“Valour, glory, firmness, skill, generosity, steadiness in battle and ability to rule - these constitute the duty of a soldier. They flow from his own nature.”

Quotes I like that I made or found (quotes_01)

This quote i made is one that has a lot of meaning to me, if you think about the meanings, you can find your own, but for everyone, depending on how youre wired, it'll make some sort of sense and hopefully help you think of whatever you need to.


"This insturment breaking the silence, one mistake will shatter worlds."


this next one is supposed to be funny, i wrote it for my "Philinator" cards way back when in the day. it was on the card called Machismo. the story behind the cards are, i was into magic and stupid pictures, and i took a bunch of myself doing stupid stuff. well those made it onto blank magic card things i had found online, i had like one for each color and randoms. well, the thing was, if a guy having girl problems had those cards he would be able to score a date, or whatever with his target girl. the quote went something like this.


"Nothing shall stand in the way of the wind, except that wall of shame."


this next quote was made back in like 8th grade because i felt i over thought everything and that was the source of my depression, but im still searching for that cause, but after later consideration, i came to realize that if you "thought" about it, haha, it was a dis on other people.


"The ability to think brings great power, to have great power is to be alone, I wish I were ignorant."


the following quote is one i made after i thought i had found someone special but later they turned out to be a bitch, but thats how life farts along. this one is a bit more sentimental for those of you who are sappy.


"If home is where the heart is, how can I be at home when someone has my heart?"


i used to have papers of just little one liners that were motivational, and that made you think. i cant seem to find those now, probley got old and i destoryed them or something. but heres one or two from a favorite video game of mine and i think it kinda reminds me of WWII russians and their mentality of war(or atleast the stereotypical one). its from a game call Warhammer 40k: Dawn of War(the original, Winter Assault, and Dark Crusade).


"For those who seek perfection there can be no rest on this side of the grave."



"Success is measured in blood; yours or your enemy´s."



"Prayer cleanses the soul, pain cleanses the body."



"An open mind is like a fortress with its gates unbarred and unguarded"



"Victory needs no explanation, defeat allows none."




yeah, that game is odd in deed, but its a fun game to play. if i think of anymore quotes ill post them here. i found the dawn of war quotes on wikiquotes.org, just do a search and you'll find links.